Results #1

My first official cancer appt. was today.  Geez did it take a long time.  Appt. at 1pm, left the  Siteman Center at 5pm.  I was informed by the nurse that most of my appts. would take a long time as Dr. Eberlein is very thorough & likes to take a long time with his patients – had to go straight to school board meeting from my appt.

Anyway, here is what I know.  The actual counts/numbers are not back from the lab yet as my biopsy was just this past Thursday.  Therefore, they do not know yet the exact type, but should be able to tell me at my next visit.  I will be going back next Tuesday for a clip insertion & then they are calling me tomorrow with my appt. time for an MRI, CT, Bone density test & the oncology visit.  With any luck, they are going to get the last 4 scheduled the same day so it will just be an all day visit.

Anyway, Dr. Eberlein is going to start with chemo.  He is fairly certain it is stage 2 cancer and with any luck, the chemo will shrink the lump & I can have a simple lumpectomy.  From all testing they have done thus far, it does not appear to have spread to any lymph nodes (which is a great thing).  However, they will not know for certain until my other testing is done next week.

So, that is the plan of attack.  Appts. next week & then I will start chemo (or possibly hormone therapy) later the same week (probably by Thursday).  No mastectomy at this point.  Probably will be doing chemo every 3 weeks for 3 months so will have 4 total treatments & then be re-evaluated.

I feel so very blessed to have such a great support network!  Everyone is coming out of the woodwork with calls, texts, emails, etc.  Everyone thinking of me, praying for me, cheering for me.  Words do not describe the happiness that brings to me.

A few tidbits - I told Kelly to start looking for cute short haircuts  or I will be shopping for a wig or lots of cute head scarves….  And, if all continues well, I should be done by boating season – definitely a plus.  Doc said I can continue my normal activities & can exercise.  Plus, there should be no problems participating in the 3 day walk in Chicago August 5-7.    I have signed up to walk in the 3 Day for A Cure walk with my college buddies.  Crazy how that just happened - they had no idea I was going thru any of this & emailed to see if I was interested in walking with them.  To walk, each participant must raise $2300.00 plus pay registration fees.  It is 3 days, the organization puts you up in a pink 2 person tent & you walk approx 16-20 miles per day.  Let the training begin.

One last side note, Dr. Eberlein did confirm that yes I will probably want to take up reading or electronic gaming or something to pass the time @ all these appts.  I don’t know how all these cancer patients handle the long hours of sitting & waiting.  Guess I’m going to learnJ

The dreaded C word

I have Cancer.  What?  Wait a minute.  How did I get here?  Why me?  What did I do?  What’s next?  I have so much I want to do.  I have little kids.  This cannot be happening.  How did I get here?  My mind is racing a mile a minute. 

My story:  I found a lump several months ago in my left breast.  Everyone tells you to do self-breast exams, but no one tells you what to do next.  So, I called my ob-gyn to report the lump.  The staff there asked me a few questions.  My age, did breast cancer run in my family, did I have any discharge, and did I have any pain.  My answers were 38 and no to all.  Based on my answers the staff said they would go ahead & schedule an appt. at their next available, but there was no hurry as it was probably nothing.  Not knowing any better, I accepted their answer.  So, I waited almost 3 months for the appt.  I went to the ob dr.  He felt the lump & said I should get further testing.  Still hopeful it was nothing, but wanted to be sure.  He gave me an order for a diagnostic mammogram & ultrasound.  I worked at getting these scheduled at the local imaging place.  However, they said I needed to go to the main hospital location as diagnostic mammograms required a different type of equipment.  I scheduled that appt. – 2 weeks later.  Well, it turns out that was a terrible snow day.  I was scheduled for the first appt. of the day, the kids were off school & the roads were terrible.  So, I rescheduled.  Again, still thinking it was nothing – just a cyst or something minor.  I knew regardless what it was I would get it removed, but I thought I had plenty of time.

Appointment day arrived.  I went to Gateway Regional Hospital.  The staff did both an US and Diagnostic Mammogram.  Ultrasound was painless.   Diagnostic mammogram was terrible.  I tell you, my baseline mammogram 2 years ago was nothing, but this one was painful.  They had to do things much more thorough & get all angles.  After the mammogram, a dr. who read the mammogram results came in and told me she was sorry I had cancer.  It was very serious & I should see someone right away.  What?  I could not believe it.  I was in shock.  It took me a few minutes to realize what she was saying.  She gave me some brochures & asked if I had any questions.  Well, not now, I can’t even see straight let alone think of questions at this point.  I had driven myself to the appt., so now what.  I got out to my car, I called Mike, I called my mom & then I called my ob.  The nurse there was very informative & got me an appt. with a surgeon right away (5 days later).  I had now gathered myself a little to ask a few questions & of course went online to do some research.  Come to find out, even though the mammogram reader was correct, she misspoke.  You cannot diagnose breast cancer based on a mammogram.  You must do a biopsy.  That is the ONLY way.  Based on this information, I was again hopeful for my surgeon appt.  I did not find the days hard to pass & I was able to keep very busy.  Other than Mike, my mom & dad & sisters, I did not bother to tell anyone.  After all, why bother anyone unnecessarily & there was still hope it was nothing serious.  Many find lumps all the time & it amounts to nothing.

Surgeon appointment day arrived.  Mike went with me to this appt.  We were both very hopeful all would be fine.  This was again a consultation appt. to go over some possible scenarios.   The dr. felt the lump.  You really can’t miss it.  It is about the size of a half dollar & it is very firm.  Anyway, he decided to do a biopsy in his office.  That way we could get moving on this sooner.  He & his nurse stressed that results take 5-7 business days & many come back just fine.  Do not panic.  They will let me know when the results are in.  Well, time ticking again.  Turns out the surgeon dr. was scheduled for a vacation the following week so I was going to have to wait 12 days for the results and again come in for a consultation appt.  (I just have to throw in how I hate all these different appts.  Can’t we just go & get everything done.  Each time I go for an appt. is another $40.00 & the visits are starting to add up.)  Anyway, home we go.  The biopsy wasn’t bad.  A little skin numbing shot & then the tissue retractor.  After, there was a little blood & some bruising over the next few days, but overall not bad.

The diagnosis:  Well, turns out the lab did the test right away.  The dr. called me on Friday (1 day after the biopsy) with the results.  He actually called between surgeries.  First, he left a message for me to call him.  I was excited & full of hope.  After all, if the results came back that quickly, everything must be fine….  Jennifer, I am so very sorry to tell you this.  I absolutely hate doing this over the phone, but I really wanted you to know before I left for vacation.  You do have an evasive form of cancer.  We will talk more at your appt. when I get back, but you really need to consider a mastectomy.  You are very young & your outlook is very good.  We could do a lumpectomy, but the quickest & easiest way of treatment is a mastectomy….  Wow, I am taken aback.  My heart and mind is racing.  It wasn’t supposed to be like this.  This was not the result I had my mind set on.  What am I going to do next?  How will I survive?  Please don’t let it be me.  I don’t want to do this.  I don’t want to be the one.

Ok – grab hold of yourself.  I am a strong person.  I can do this.  I have so much to live for.  I have such a wonderful family & so many great friends.  I CAN DO THIS!  Who needs boobs anyway, they are so over-rated.  Now, to call Mike, & my mom.  Now, to tell my dad.  All done over the phone.  I call Janet (a friend’s mom who recently went thru breast cancer).  Janet assures me everything is going to be alright.  She will help me with anything I need.  She tells me her story.  What an amazing woman with such courage.  I can do this!  I call Siteman cancer institute to make an appt. for a second opinion & to get a game plan started.  I did trust the other surgeon, but we live so close to St. Louis & have so many great resources available.  I want to use them.  My mom is freaking out.  She rushes home from work.  I’m ok, but how do I tell people?  You don’t just go up to your friends & say I have cancerJ  How do I tell the kids?  My main concern in this ordeal is to keep the kids’ routine as normal as possible.  They do not need to be drug down because of me.  I am so proud of them.  Thank goodness it is me with cancer & not them.  Please Lord, let me be fine & Please let my children stay healthy.  Let me see them grow up.  Let me watch them drive, graduate, get married, have children.  Please let me continue to be their mom.

Well, it is getting a little easier.  I emailed the pastor to be added to the church prayer list.  That will take care of notifying most people.  Mike tells his family.  I tell my sisters.  We sit down to tell the kids together.  I’m all ready to tell them.  They are sitting on the couch anxiously awaiting my news.  What mom?  Are we going somewhere exciting?  Do you have a surprise for us?  I’m tearing up.  I can’t even get the words out.  Mike does it.  Well guys, we want to tell you that mom is sick.  She has breast cancer.  They may have to take take her boob off to get the cancer out.  Ethan, Is she going to die?  We hope not.  Remember how Miss Janet had breast cancer & she is fine now.  Morgan, Are they going to give you a metal boob mom?  No, why?  That would hurt to hug you with a metal boob.  Peyton, will we still get to go to Borders to get some books sometime before Christmas?  Of course.  And, they are off.  I LOVE my kids.  What a way to bring light to a situation.  Their innocence is wonderful.  Yes, I can do this.  I continue to call a few friends who I want to hear it from me.  Everyone is so supportive.  I am such a lucky person.  The outpouring of love & prayers brings tears to my eyes.  I am in such awe for everyone around me.  I know I will beat this with God’s help.

At this point, I am still naively hoping for the best.  I hope/plan to do a mastectomy.  Might as well get rid of it as soon as possible & continue about my business.  I have no idea how long treatment will take.  If they take it off & find that the cancer has not spread to my lymph nodes, I will not need chemo & radiation.  That is what I am praying for!  Also, timing is good, this is the beginning of February.  I’m hopeful this can all be done before summer & I can still get out on the boat & still make our fall cruise.  I am staying upbeat & positive.  My schedule is still as busy as ever.  I have kids valentine’s day parties, the boat show, monster jam tickets, Disney on ice tickets coming up……  The list goes on.  For now, from everyone I have talked to & everything I have read.  I am doing it right.  Positive & upbeat & busy.  That is me.

Catching Up

Man it has been a long time since I sat down to write a few things.  Time was of the essence in December. I did manage to get everything done & the holidays came & went all to quickly.  Now, off to January, also flying by.  My babies turned 8 years old a few days ago.  I cannot believe how much joy they have brought into my life along with work, headaches, friendships, challenges, laughter, etc.  I have so much to be thankful for.  I cannot imagine life without my children.  I hope they know how proud I am of them & how much I cherish being a mom!

Lost It

So, I completely lost it this morning with the kids.  I need to get a grip.  My buttons have been pushed to the max & it is time to get over it & move on.  Today is it - time to look at the bright side & what I do have to be thankful for.  Things could be so much worse.  I have a loving husband, healthy smart children, a job, roof over our head, nice vehicles, a camper, a boat, loving extended family, etc.  So, here I am declaring that life is good & I will continue to work hard to make life and my surroundings even better.

On another front, Christmas is almost here.  I can't wait to see the excitement of the kids opening presents.  I am so grateful they still believe in Santa.  It is nice to have another "belief" year.  I do love the Christmas season - watching Christmas movies in front of the Christmas tree with the fireplace going, presents under the tree, the smell of cold outside & Christmas trees inside, etc.  My all time favorite Christmas movie is The Night They Saved Christmas.  My kids don't see the good in that movie yet as it is very dated.  However, I still make them watch it with me:) 

Stress

It has been a while since I have posted.  Man, has the stress of the season gotten to me.  I am ready for Christmas.  Had the majority of the gifts bought on Black Friday.  They were wrapped the week after thanks to Shelby & Sherry.  I have just a few odds & ends to purchase now.  However, as the days progress, the little things are just adding up.

My kids seem to be fighting or bickering more than usual.  The bills are piling up.  I just learned that our health insurance has changed once again - now our $2000.00 deductible applies before our co-payments.  Thanks Lyon Industries.  The flooring is done & looks awesome, but now the bill for that.  The calendars - well, I'm frantically working on them.  However, I have a new printer this year & am not happy with the streaking it makes.  Didn't have time to add the little icons.  I even had to spend a few hours at work creating these.  Our pediatrician has taken on a different position so now I am looking for a new pediatrician for the kids.  I LOVED Dr. Chris.  He was so wonderful & helpful.  I called Saers to make the annual Christmas w/ Santa pictures & found out Sears is no longer doing Santa pictures.  Peyton has been fighting a cough for almost a week.  No fever so I am sure there are no meds that can help.  I hate watching the kids feel bad.  What more could happen......  I know a lot.  However, I think it does help to just complain every once in a while & get it all out there -- everyon has issues & problems.  It is time to help yourself.

Well, now onto better days.  I plan to make the most of the next few weeks & get things back to a new normal.

Boys will be boys

The kids had bring a friend day yesterday at school.  We took Murphy, Teagan & Justin.  When I went to pick up the kids, Miss Warnier said she needed to talk to me - never a good sign.  Anyway, as it turns out, Ethan glued a girl classmate to her seat today.  I am mortified.  What was he thinking?!?!  Do all boys do this?  He knows that is just wrong on so many levels.  Needless to say, I had a talk with Ethan.  He had to apologize to the girl in class and write the girls parents a sorry letter while at school & I did make him call & apologize directly to the parents as well when we got home.  Luckily for me, the parents were very understanding and agreed he was probably provoked knowing the child.  Not that that makes up for his behavior in any way.

Now, if you look on the flip side.  Look at his creativity.  She was chasing him & hitting him (or the story goes...) & he glued her to her chair so she couldn't get up to get him anymore......  Still mortified as a parent......

Random things

Well, it has been a while since I last typed.  Man, have we been busy. 

We were able to finally get new flooring in the living room.  That white carpet that Ray & Jo had when we moved in had seen its better days.  Also, we hate our laminate flooring & will not recommend laminate to anyone.  It is very hard to take care of.  After much shopping and comparison, we went with Russell Flooring in Staunton.  We were able to install hard wood floors & get new living room furninture.  Now, we are asking for money for Christmas to help pay for our "new room".

I have also been extremely busy with Patriot's Night Out.  That is TSP's annual dinner auction.  I was the chairperson this year.  I feel like I have been living at school the past 2 weeks.  Anyway, the auction is now over & we made a record amount $16,000.00.  That will certainly help the school out.

The next day, I drove to Chicago for my annual "adult girl" trip.  Went shopping on Michigan Ave. (American Girl), watched/saw the Christmas lights, spent the night with my favorite niece Meila.  She is such a ham & growing so quickly.

Got home on Sunday just in time for my dad's election celebration party.  That was very nice.  Weezy's catered and did a fantastic job.

Ready for Thanksgiving week to start.  Trying to prepare my Christmas buying list & figure out what I have & what I need so I can get scrip gift cards to purchase the rest of the gifts.  Another way to benefit the school.